Tuesday, July 30, 2019

The Blessing At Rock Bottom

It literally could not have gotten any worse. The love of my life had broken up with me to pursue other interests. Now he was off to the beautiful land of Peru and had no intention of ever returning to the place we once shared. I wanted to be mad at him, but how could I blame someone for choosing their own happiness over mine? Nevertheless, there I was trying to collect the pieces of my heart that had just been shattered, still in a daze, and confused. Why now? Why this? Why ME? I mourned for days, which quickly turned into weeks. Before I knew it, months had gone by and I still didn't feel strong enough to pick myself back up. No amount of talking, reading, or crying could ease the pain. Eventually, even my friends and family began to distance themselves from me, as my sorrow became too heavy a burden for them to bear. The truth of the matter is that I had completely lost myself in that relationship. Now that it was over, I had no idea where I was going, and what I genuinely wanted out of life. It was up to me to figure out who I was again, but this time in a way that could never be so compromised. However, this would mean unpacking and sitting with some of my darkest realities. To be honest, I wasn't ready. I would rather sit here sending him postcards and love letters from rock bottom. 

Photographer: Jenny Desrosiers 
It is completely okay, to not be okay. It is normal to have moments where you feel like every possible bad thing that could happen to you is happening to you all at the same time. We live in a society where the idea of "positive vibes only" has often been misconstrued to mean that having unpleasant feelings, is somehow toxic to the people around you. This thinking is dangerously flawed. Although it is important to do the things that bring us happiness and comfort, it is equally as important to confront the things that cause us unpleasant feelings and pain. By only validating the positive, it is easy to suppress the negative emotions and thoughts, leaving them to fester under the surface. 
Nevertheless, when someone feels like they have reached rock bottom, there are still blessings and opportunities that can be found there.
One very important opportunity, that can be found at rock bottom, is the chance to view your life and wellbeing in a realistic way. Many times when everything seems to be going well on the surface, we forget that there is constantly work that needs to be done within. As we continue through life, we should be constantly learning, growing, and unlearning things regularly. If not, we run the risk of becoming victims of our own ignorance. Hitting rock bottom doesn't allow us to hide. This state-of-being causes us to accept the fact that something isn't working. At this point, we are left with two options. We can choose to give up and stay at rock bottom, or we can redirect ourselves and try another approach to get back on track. Victory is most often found in the latter. 

Furthermore, when we get to a space that feels lower than we've ever felt before, it is easy to opt for isolation. This is often to avoid having to put on a friendly face while crumbling inside. And although isolation can become unhealthy at a point, if done with intention, it can be used as a way to create the space necessary to reflect, redirect, and reemerge. When we reflect, we consider all the variables that may have expedited our descent into rock bottom. These variables may include,  unhealthy relationships, uncontrolled vices, and poor decisions that we've made. Once we are able to define and accept those variables, we are then able to redirect our energy and focus. This allows us the space to learn from our past mistakes and put a plan in place to do things differently moving forward. Only then are we able to reemerge with a new outlook and sense of self. 

Being at rock bottom can often feel like there is no way out of such misery. However, it is important to remember that this is simply untrue. It will certainly require you to do the mental and emotional labor that we often run from, but the reward is always well worth it. There's a delicate balance that must exist between being blinded by negative emotions, and being willing to face them head-on. It then becomes much easier to recognize and utilize the tools that may be right in front of you, to construct a pathway out of rock bottom. As always, be kind to yourself during this process, and know that the road to success is rarely linear.  

All Love & Power To The People, 

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